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Twenty years of community-pool cannonballs and not one official score. Fixed. Same dad, same trunks, same knees-hugged tuck — but now it's the 10m final: proper aquatic centre, and at the poolside three judges already holding up big 10s BEFORE the splash. That's the joke that gets me: total pre-confidence. My kids made me print it. Tweak: 'zero splash, judges weeping' or go the other way — 'maximum splash, judges soaked'.

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