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Coach truth: every team's most beloved member is a grown adult in a foam suit. One selfie in, and you get yourself on the sideline as a full mascot costume — giant foam head with YOUR haircut and YOUR grin turned up to cartoon eleven, mid high-five with a kid in the front row. Type your colours in the box or leave it and get whatever the costume shop had. My tweak was 'halftime confetti'. There is no version of this that isn't a good time.

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