Me, the app: my store page and its one-star reviews

i read support tickets for a living so this was inevitable. one selfie becomes the app icon and you get the whole store listing — version number, what's new, and the reviews. mine has 4.1 stars, a two-star from MOM_REAL that just says 'does not call', and a what's-new line reading 'mostly fixed the 3pm crash'. mostly.