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My washing machine came before my youngest kid—fourteen years, two moves, same brick underneath. Finally replacing it this week, but couldn't just let it go. Took a photo, threw it a real retirement ceremony: big red rosette across the machine, red banner with yellow characters behind it, my husband shook hands with the door handle. Posted in the family chat, MIL replied "as it should be." Someone joked about adding white gloves, so we actually did.

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