A formal studio family portrait of every plant you own

Gathered all seven onto the table for their annual census and realised: this is a family photo. Now it's a real one — mottled grey backdrop, tallest at the back, the pothos draped over the snake plant's shoulder like siblings who get along, and the dying fern front and centre, because in this family we don't hide the one who's struggling. Tweak it with 'laser school-photo background' and they become the class of '94.